On this past Sunday people came to say goodbye. People who I thought had long forgotten me, as a Pastor, even of thousands, over the years I seldom forget them.
There was no sadness, just the realization that what I spent three decades building, had now ended and a new day was beginning.
I leave Columbus with no regrets, remorse, or remaining doubts or fears. I thank the Lord for healing my hurting heart.
The church, nor the members hurt me. The city didn't hurt me. Honestly, I hurt myself. Not, mistakes, just, not always living up to God's standard of "perfecting holiness", in the fear of God.
God called me to "be" before "do". Soo often, I forgot this. Preaching love
is one thing, but,"walking in love", is another.
Materialism sneaked upon me and captivated me for a season. "Things" and possessions were soo easy to obtain, that I became used to being blessed and probably, less Grateful to the Giver.
The church grew large, not mega, but a lot of people packed the place for a long time to hear me preach and teach. I always did my best. It wasn't that, which was the problem.
It was my temperament. Prophetic people can be very volatile at times. Check out Elijah, David, or Jonah.
My impatience and intolerance of anything less than perfection affected my moods and I vented often. It affected my congregation and family.
Bitterness crept into my heart at what I perceived as "rejection and abandonment."
Soo much can be said, a lot of good was done, a lot of people taught, one out of ten came to say thank you.
Someone remarked that thought "certain people", would come, but didn't.
My response was, "I WAS NOT AFFECTED ONE WAY OR THE OTHER!" They are cool, but not relevant to my life anymore. I wish them well.
I told someone, that when Jesus was lifted up, none of the men who he gave himself to were there, but, one.
I had far more than one and I wasn't being crucified. I was being told goodbye.
Soo, people's presence or absence didn't have affect on my heart. There's no TOXICITY here. I'm glad to be going. Many are glad for various reasons.
The only emotion, close to sadness, is when I watched soo many asked to have their picture taken with me.
Why sad, because, a picture is far less than the person. They had me. I had them. Now, it's over. I'm going to be "over", but no longer here.
Soo, I will miss my people greatly. I will miss my city. I will miss my children and grands. But, I WON'T MISS THE PAIN!
To God be the glory. This is my heart's confession.
Loveee you. Sir Brian
